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:iconobelis:
Obelis Featured By Owner Nov 29, 2016  Hobbyist General Artist
Here again! :la:

(Ch4 P1)

Such a modern city in the very first panel. :wow: I must admit that in my head I imagined everything being more rural. Or at least in ruins if gangs are so powerful they kill, because it would mean that police is weak and police is weaker in less civilized areas... that was just my own presumption, though. :XD:
So this tournament is to run a city?!
Bly clearly has her ideas of how she would rule, and I bet they would sound pretty funny. Maybe Kirara thinks that BLy is being too naive about it and that's why she doesn't want to hear her answer. :o Poor Bly. She seemed so excited to share those ideas.
Even after this tournament is over, they can still achieve nothing. That's so risky.
I like the drawing of the crowd, so many different people yet everyone is combined in a way which makes it believable that their feet are still touching the ground.
Doctor J looks like he is ready to throw some rap right at us. :XD:

(Ch4 P2)

Whoops. Looks like the judges already have the idea of who to dislike. :fear: Now we can only hope they can forget their hospitals at the moment.
Politeness towards your enemy is good, especially when it helps you to strike unexpectedly. Bravo, Kirara!


(Ch4 P3)

That's some interesting perspective hanging Bly is drawn from. :o Always interesting to see things like this.
Kirara has had cruelty towards herself, so now she has become cruel herself. :o I'd say cruelty is like infection.

(Ch4 P4)

Looks like Kirara's thinking had immersed into darkness for a while, making her so cruel. She is fighting herself, having such slit feelings combined. Wanting revenge yet at the same time not wanting to be evil.
I think that it's the best for Bly to win, at least the outcome will be more positive than when KIrara won. Bly isn't burning with revenge towards entire city.
But Kirara... :( NOw one can only hope that she survives.

(C4 P 5)

Seems that she really died. :( But looks like everyone moved on, so I guess the ending is positive. :nod: A lesson: life moves on no matter what happens.
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:iconobelis:
Obelis Featured By Owner Nov 27, 2016  Hobbyist General Artist
Once more, I'm here! :la:

(Ch3 Prelude)

I like this part so much. Looking at old photos can tell us a lot about person's life. And now we can see how sad Kirara is for her parents' death. That single memory is so happy yet sad. With many mixed feelings like this, it's hard for her to find her place in the world again.
I didn't even know she had a half-sister. :o
He he Bly never knocks. :XD: This says something about HER personality, too.

(Ch3 P1)

Packing whole life into one bag... :o This sounds sad, but at the same time I kinda envy her. :XD: It's good to not depend on belongings too much and only need as much as fit into one bag. This way, life should be so much easier.
That enemy looks so funny. :XD: It probably is supposed to look hazardous - and does! - but looks so funny at the same time. That facial expression... :lmao:
Looks like trying to not make a sound is the best fighting technique against someone blind. :o

(Ch3 P2)

It sounds so important, that discussion whose rules will be legit. :o At least good that this isn't fight with no rules, or else this would be a big mess...
Running is the best martial technique ever invented! :eager: It can save lives of everyone, even those who don't know any other techniques! Never underestimate running!
Hey! Never underestimate smells, too! :fear: You can never know which one will finish you off!
Aaaand this suddenly turned into Attack on Titan. :XD: For a moment, I thought that the thing the monster was holding was not a hammer but a pan. So he could fry the girls after they're finished off. Hunting for dinner right now... :lmao:
Well, the sight of enemy losing head like this can surely confuse the hell out of anyone.

(Ch3 P3)

He he now Kirara is ashamed of herself being scared to freezing. :XD: Some good laugh in the middle of serious fight.
But yes, Kirara should better improve her self control if she wants to get out of this alive. :nod:
A giant stuffed with confetti? Looks like someone has planned to cheer the winner. Someone with good humor sense...
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:iconobelis:
Obelis Featured By Owner Nov 23, 2016  Hobbyist General Artist
Here I am with one more piece of my thoughts! :la: choir 

(Hegemony Audition Extra)

"Drgged" is such an interesting word. :XD: Probably belongs to the language of their fantasy world? =p
I'm also curious what Kirara is going to do to a hen. :nod: Very curious. I hope she won't kill and cook the hen. Hens can be amazing friends. They like when you pet their heads and their bodies are so warm you don't need any heating during winter if you have a hen.
I guess Kirara is being too shy to eat. :o Does she just not want to look like a glutton or is there any other reason why she is refusing food? Maybe because she hates the restaurant they are in? Some people can't eat in places that cause them stress.
I like Kirara's face in the second panel. :thumbsup: It looks so... just so realistic.

(Ch2P1)

I guess Bly was inspired herself to see Kirara's dream and that's why she looks so disappointed in her now. :o
That's some good drawing of hospital! I especially like the stairs part.
Fights in front of the hospital? Yes, Kirara is not the only one to whom this tournament has caused negative emotions. :nod: Maybe this will give her a strong push towards whatever direction she is destined to go to.

(Ch2P2)

Those are some good drawings of fingers! It's hard to manipulate fingers in so many different positions. :nod:
"A mop?"
"Bly, you didn't clean your shoes before stepping in here. Now please clean your mess." :lmao:
Those are clever criterias to determine the bad guy. :XD: This way, you can always protect the one who is in trouble, though you won't always protect the good guy... Basically, it's dangerous to be winning when Hale is nearby.
Soooo, she is getting lifted and he is getting a painful kick. >.< Ouch.
I see there are some new characters introduced in this page. :nod: I don't know how many exactly, but I'm sure that from now on I can recognize Hale.

(Ch2P3)

Yep. It seems that Kirara is really unable to fight. Something must have broken inside her during that race. :nod:
But her life isn't heading the negative direction. Getting friends is positive.
As far as I understand, Kirara managed to chase away Hale... I wonder if he will try persecuting them, especially as now he thinks that Bly is a bad guy.

(Ch2Epilogue)

Now the view is way clear because there are no missed lines and facial expressions. :nod: So, guns are aimed at him? I wonder what those people think he did so evil that he needs some guns pointing at him? :o I'm clear about the emotional trip Kirara survived in this chapter and the way Bly's fight went, but I must admit I'm confused about some details. ^^;

Oke, I'm returning to chapter 3 in a couple days! :la: They cause curiosity, these pages. Especially regarding what future Kirara will choose.
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:iconobelis:
Obelis Featured By Owner Nov 18, 2016  Hobbyist General Artist
Okay, so I'm a bit late ^^;, but here is my review of that comic draft. I hope it's okay if I say it all in one comment.


(part 1)

I like how the very beginning makes the situation clear: where the characters are staying and Kirara's opinion on Bly. And the way she looks at that scar on her side. So many feelings expressed even without words. Giving us hint that the scar and her past will be relevant to what will be happening next. 

And the way they were talking about that ear made me smile. I got insight into their relationship and everyday. And as they were talking about the ear and the ear was getting attention in many images, in my head formed a question: "Hmm, maybe this ear will be relevant later?"Or maybe, I thought, it's just a way to strengthen their friendship.

"Bloodshed was about to begin..." - here we have some questions in our head about the importance of the scar and the ear, and now there is bloodshed. :fear: Some tension rising. Good way to keep reader's attention without involving unnecessary details. 

I believe that in the new comic version there will be more backgrounds. :nod: The character action is expressed clearly, we can see how fast they're running and that they're running into some stuff on their way, and if we could see the stuff that they were jumping over, the situation would be even more clear. But hey, that's just a first draft, so it's natural to leave some things out. :nod:


(part 2)

At the beginning, I maybe would have wanted to see one big panel in which characters are small and it mainly focuses on how the area they are in looks from above or something like that (so the situation is clearer), but that's just my own personal preferences. ^^;

We see that one of their rivals is lucky because it's happening in that specific area... :o More tension. Good. If they had just kept running, it would have gotten boring. Good to include characters' thoughts like this, the ones which sharpen the situation. Just as sharp weapons do. :lmao:

"Just kidding!" - characters who joke in battlefield are unreliable. :fear: I wouldn't feel safe near that guy.

One of the protagonists getting told to go home... :o Now this page ends in a real cliffhanger. If she obeys to these words, she will experience a lot of shame. If she doesn't... even more threat to :nod:

(part 3)

The way Kirara saw what's happening in her rival's eye is impressive. :o It says a lot about both characters. For example, the rival's motives to participate here can be unusual while Kirara would make a good psychologist.

And here we see that the rival was right. :nod: If Kirara gets sad so easily, she probably isn't suited in this tournament for real. And ehre we get even more curious on what will happen next. Especially how the others will react to her behavior with the injured rival.

We see the clear difference between Kirara and Bly. One of them is not afraid to inure others, the other desperately wants to avoid that. Two people like that teamed up... it makes us think that one day there can be some serious issues between these two just because they're so different. This relationship is so frail.

The way Bly threw a bottle into her enemy made me laugh. :XD: And at the same time, it showed how strong her spirit is. This girl doesn't give up easily.

(part 4)

So much space is left blank in this page that I can't understand how exactly she did it but it seems that Bly had a trick up her sleeve and just used it. Whatever she it, you managed to keep tension until the very ending of the race. Good job!

(epilogue)

This guy is so laid back. This race contained so many different people - those who are ready to kill for win and soft-hearted ones, and those who don't even take it seriously. The situation can get wild when so many different people are in one place.

The emotions here are expressed strongly, yet not over-dramaticized. :nod: And Kirara leaving tournament... now the main cliffhanger here is how Bly will react. Yet it warms my heart seeing how one cares for another.





I like this way of storytelling. :nod: Via some humor and action, the characters are revealed. There is some tension at every moment and it leave us questioning what will happen next. Especially - how will Kirara avenge her family if she is so soft-hearted? So many things could happen next. 
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:iconizzi1313:
Izzi1313 Featured By Owner Nov 21, 2016  Hobbyist
I felt bad reading the first sentence of your comment :forgiveme: I didn't mean to make you feel like you were in any way obligated or expected to comment on these; I mean of course, I'd love you opinion on it, but mostly I just wanted to share it with a fellow comic-er (:XD:) :thanks:

Originally, these rounds were all individual pages. It ended up messing up my gallery too much, especially since it isn't so focused in content as I find others' to be. All in all I think the comic is/was around 80+ pages (now seems like a little bit compared to yours :XD:) but yeah, I didn't like the way it was. I found that all but the last round's number of pages were evenly divisible by 5; so I ended up combining them in parts :nod:
I mention this because of what you said about cliffhangers :XD: more pages were cliffhangers but now they don't always land on the fifth page so it doesn't work so well anymore :shrug: 

As for part 1, originally, the round was supposed to have 4 introductory pages before the round actually began. But I was pressed for time and motivation and once I got down the relationship part out of the way, I skipped the 'transition' page, and never finished it later on (I did something similar in the end of the last round) 
But since the 'jump' didn't make much sense I put in that text to explain was was going on and get started on the more action-y part. 

I'm quite unhappy with the pacing of this comic overall; had I had the time it probably would've ended up much much longer (think 'Niq's comic style-long :XD:)

Part 2: 
Yes, typically it would be good to have a panel with the environment. I didn't realize that this would be unclear, but Bly and Warachi are fighting in a separate area from Kirara and Evi. What happened in the last page of part 1 is that as soon as the round started Evi shot at Kirara then took off running; when Warachi and Bly engaged in battle (still at the starting point) Kirara went after Evi.  So one establishing shot wouldn't really work; I'd hoped to show the environment as they ran/fought, but since I didn't add in the backgrounds you can't see that they're moving/fighting in back alleyways. 

You Shouldn't feel safe around Warachi, he's a very dangerous guy :XD: 

Part 3: 
What you said about Kirara and Bly is a common misconception which was entirely my fault :XD: Bly tends to use a lot of violent and threatening language, but actually she doesn't (and hasn't) hurt anyone really. Not intentionally anyway. 
While on the other hand Kirara has murdered several people already (wow never phrased it that way before :o

That bottle part is one of my own favorites :XD: 

Part 4:
There's a lot more trickery here than Bly typically tends to use. Basically she feigned losing/fear-running away just long enough for her to reach the race finish line and win while Warachi was unaware and most just focused on the fight. 

I felt maybe this round was a little too much humor-heavy for my taste in a battle-comic. It was mostly due to the fact that I still was unsure of what voice I wanted to use for the overall comic, and secondly it's due to Warachi's care-free and not so serious style.


I think you might've missed the audition extra page, and I also wanted to mention that I added round 2 (which you totally don't have to take a look at if you're disinterested :XD:) I think I'll add round 3 later tonight or tomorrow while I'm at it :shrug: 
Also, I threw out the idea I had for Nanowrimo 3 days ago and started on a written version of Hegemony (opposite of what you did with Wine of Dreams :XD:
I probably won't be able to get more than 5000 or less words down by the end of the month, but that's fine. I'm just glad to have it started :D
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:iconobelis:
Obelis Featured By Owner Nov 22, 2016  Hobbyist General Artist
Hey! Don't feel bad! :ohnoes: I simply don't like to postpone stuff, that's all. Reading and talking about various stories is the reason I joined dA, and I enjoy doing things like that. :nod:

I've seen people doing that, combining several pages into one deviation. :nod: Seems like a good way to create cliffhangers when one page isn't informative enough. A page after a page is a bit more tricky.

So Bly is kind of a tsundere, saying mean things but not really wanting to hurt. :o Having such contrasting way of speaking and actual actions can be good if you want to cause shock for the readers. :nod: After finding out that there is such a contrast, people would start paying exclusive attention to Bly.

Never phrased that she has murdered several people already? :o How did you explain Kirara's past before? "Let out several souls out of their bodies"? :XD:

Hmm, I'm curious to look at the other rounds. :la: If my internet doesn't die again... Big Fool Emoji-07 (Cry) [V2] It keeps disappearing every three minutes these days.

Even several thousand words are good. :nod: I finished my story at around 20,000 and I'm pretty pleased with this year's result. I'm working on another story for now, but I'm only writing 300 words a day and I'm completely content with this number. Well, the first day was an exception. I was so inspired I raked up over 9000. Weird how a story that I didn't plan to write this NaNoWriMo inspires me more than the one I officially did...
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:icontoddntheshiningsword:
ToddNTheShiningSword Featured By Owner Jul 10, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
*Doesn't see plushie photos in here...*
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:iconizzi1313:
Izzi1313 Featured By Owner Jul 11, 2013  Hobbyist
And you might not :XD: Not soon anyways..
Mostly 'cause of how i do things (recently at least) I start many things and then move onto the next.. It's mostly 'cause these are just practice plushes..
Currently have.. let's see.. 3 unfinished plushes.. a 4th one could be considered finished, sort of.. One of them i might start over without finishing the original..
There's a fifth one that's supposed to be done by the 15th and i haven't even started.. and i just realized how little time i have left for it..

Hm.. interesting.. such a long reply for less than a sentence :XD:
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:icontoddntheshiningsword:
ToddNTheShiningSword Featured By Owner Jul 11, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
It takes a long explanation to explain to me why you've been secretly hiding a plushie project for 3 years... :plotting::altermind: :lick:
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:iconizzi1313:
Izzi1313 Featured By Owner Jul 12, 2013  Hobbyist
I wouldn't exactly say it was a project, or that i was trying to hide it :XD:

I tried to make a chao plush a couple times about 3 years ago, both were pretty big fails.. and then i stopped, 'cause i had no real plush making material (if you don't count old jeans)
Then, about 6 months ago, (I believe soon after Hegemony) I became interested in making plushies again, more so this time.. I saved a bunch of tutorials, but never tried any of them.. I started one plush (when my semester was just starting off) but never finished it.. Until two weeks ago, or so..
Because i finished it, i got enthusiastic about making plushies again, but i was in the middle of my exams.. so i sort of started 2 more plushies and didn't finish those either.. And was working on design for another one, which i put to the test just a few days ago..

So.. there's your overly long explanation :XD:
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